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Epitaph

Over the last few months of not posting here my life has moved on from writing to no one. As I am a teenager still I change very rapidly and very often, since December I started smoking marijuana and am now a 'stoner' or 'pothead'. I guess you could say this is because of working at Pizza Hut (though it would have happened at any other restaurant, since the entire restaurant business is two-thirds potheads), but I and most people should thank them for that little gift. I guess working with people who smoked reguarily and were also great people made an impact. I got to know them and found people who were much more knowledgable than I, especially on recreational drugs. I'm not going to rant about that because that is all that is needed to say. Marijuana is a recreational drug, you should not need to depend on it. I won't discuss this because it's not really an important factor, just take into account that I've changed recently, I've learned alot about myself (and if you have stumbled upon this long lost blog and want to talk or question me feel free to email to dbernacki@gmail.com).

I've been trying to delete this old and tired blog, it has no purpose anymore. I was going to aswell, until I decided to read some today. My writing from the when I started this and on has been short bursts of emotion throughout my teenage years. My writings of loves that have never been (none of them) and hate for myself and other because of that. I realize that it was never poetic in the least despite my best efforts, but I don't regret writing, because I'm sure it helped my growth. I encourage people to do the same aswell, it's good to get these things out even if it's to the vast emptiness that is the internet.

I would love to get into a long, intricate philisophical conversation (with myself I assume) where after reading this you realize the pain that i've gone through. What pain you may ask? Well it certainly isn't the suffering of the homeless, or those in Darfur or other places being raped by genecide, but the simple pain of craving love and never having that craving filled. Would it have worked out with these beautiful young girls that I fancied so much? Yes. I believe it would have. In fact I have no doubt that we would have had passionate relationships, but it didn't, and that's how life deals out it's cards. I can't argue with it, I wouldn't be writing this in gratitude if it hadn't (that is not to say that I would have prefered not to enjoy the experience of highschool romance and relationships).

If I am never to post on here again (which I'm not sure of but it isn't promising) I may aswell post my religious fews thus far. I've come to the conclusion that believeing in things such as the String or Big Bang theory take just as much blind faith and over-confidence that believing in God would. I consider myself Agnostic (agnostic: one who believes that the evidence for and against the existence of God is inconclusive.) if anyone asks, but will not hesitate to get into a discussion with them. We can not comprehend the Universe or why we are here, and we are constantly underestimating it's vastness and wonder. As far as I've come to believe there is no God. The only God I could consider is the Universe in itself. Because we are all one, at an atomic level we are all connected. There have been studies shown that intent has purpose in life, they cannot explain how or why but the intent to do something changes things. Therefore, every person and their intent makes a difference. This is how I would explain miracles (I'm skipping a long winded explanation used in the movie What the $@#! Do We Know? Further Down the Rabbit Hole) and prayer. When someone puts concentration into something they're intent is released into the rest of life and has an effect on how time (fourth-dimension) plays out. What happens when we die you may ask? I have no idea, but I can't wait to find out.

And for now, I've found a wonderful girl that I've known most of my life, and I wish to start a relationship. Although what you wish to have doesn't neccesarily play out, but since intent makes a difference I have to atleast try, and hope she feels the same. And the answer to the question I asked oh so many times; Love is undefinable or justifiable, but you have to try.

And now it's time to leave and turn into dust...


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