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Monologue

I walked away from her with more hate than I could handle, but it was all at myself. I just watched my life fall apart within minutes, constantly a voice in the back of my head telling me to shutup. It told me to hold her, and I wanted to, but you can't just forget what's important. "You need to have respect for yourself", I thought, "You can't let yourself be walked over and used". There are times in life you need to stand up for yourself, for what you want. But how can I have what I'm throwing away. Is respect more important than what's in my heart? I talk like I know what I'm doing, and I try to put up a good fight, I create the illusion that I'm a man, but I'm not really. I have no idea who I am anymore, but it's not that I've lost myself, it's that I used to think I knew myself. That walk home was the coldest I've ever had to endure, I questioned whether walking was worth it. All I wanted to do was lay in the snow and let time spin past until I had a reason to get up. There is nothing left, I have no where to go now, no one who cares about me. You were the first and last person that cared, or seemed to care. I don't what to do now, I'm hurt, in more pain than I can comprehend. But, why isn't she? I'm afraid and have no one to go to. I just know I can't let this be the end, I can't take it now, let alone when I see her. I don't want to lose you now, I still need you.

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