There are many ways to look at a person, sometimes our opinion of that person persuades us to see them differently. There are layers that you go through, when you stare at someone long enough. You can look from the perspective of an admirer, pulling forth every amazing aspect of them, they're beauty and creativity, and their wonderful smile and that glint of life in their eyes. The fact that with every tiny smile that they make, you feel like you're flying, and that nothing can stop either of you right now. And then if you keep looking you can see them as an aquaitence, as if you just met them on the bus, they're a mystery still, unexplored in your mind. And if you look even further, you can reach the level that they see themselves, their selfconciousness. When we look into a mirror and see our flaws, it's because we've looked long enough to realize what we think is bad, most people don't see it. Eventually the creases in their face come out, the bags under their eyes have just caught your attention, you realize they're actually really tired inside, and that behind that glint of life in their eyes, they're crying for companionship. And still, if you look further, past the complex system of carbon you realize that they are no more flesh than they are the air, and the person you're really talking to is their spirit, or soul. Or atleast, this is what we all hope, otherwise it would mean you're talking to their brain, calculated answers coming out of their mouth, answers that are just instinctively bettering themselves for survival. We all hope that we have souls, otherwise we don't have free will.

I am slowly escaping the clutches of reality, or atleast that's what I've been telling myself. Whether I'm reaching a new state of conciousness or just going insane, is still undecided. I can't stop thinking of the people I love, and the people I want to love. And I can't stop thinking that nothing else matters. But then those few minutes of holiness are gone, and I come back to my body, and remember that my chances of my dreams becoming true are slim to none. I remember, that I am ugly to what people today believe is beautiful. I remember that, just because I can love someone, doesn't mean they can love me. I remember that you don't really know me, you musn't, because I don't even know me.

But always remember that you are loved

And I made that aswell. Be englightened.

This conversation occured between my coworker Theo and I when we made it our mission to listen Don't Worry Be Happy by Bobby Mc Ferrin for as long as we could, we were about half an hour in...

Me: *Sings* Don't worry be happy...

Theo: You know...

Me: Yeah?

Theo: Bobby Mc Ferrin commited suicide eh.

Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Th-thats HAHAH!

Theo: *Grin*

Me: HAHAHAHeheheh That's horrible! Hahahahah!

Theo: And so ironic!

That was the most hilarious thing I've heard lately, regardless (as I was told shortly after) that it's known to be a myth.
I don't understand some people, doesn't everyone other than me realize this is life? I know that sounds conceded, but thats how everyone seems to appear to me. I was driving around this morning with my buddies, and we were discussing things we want in life and where we want to go, and I thought to myself, "Why not now?" It just seems odd to me that everyone sets there sights so far away for something that's right in front of us. The laws of man shouldn't set foot near our dreams.


I can't look at anything anymore without analyzing it, what it's made of, and why I can't put my hand through it. I drift onward wondering what I want to do with my life. Not what I want to do as a career or that i want to start a family, but what I truly what I want to do, not what everyone thinks I should do. If you want to live in a one room apartment being a musician and gigin' out all your life, then I think you should do that. If you want to buy a car, grab a camera and drive from city to city or country to country freelancing photography then I think you should do it. I'm tired of people telling us what isn't smart, what isn't a good idea, from the day we enter kindergarten we're told this. Who is it that decided what is right with the world, who decides which ideas are greatness.

I was going to rant about the fact that my friends don't actually act like friends until it's convenient for them. But then after walking around at 3am listening to Cake made me realize that i don't really fucking care, and no one else does, this is life.