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Monologue Sunday, February 25, 2007 |

I walked away from her with more hate than I could handle, but it was all at myself. I just watched my life fall apart within minutes, constantly a voice in the back of my head telling me to shutup. It told me to hold her, and I wanted to, but you can't just forget what's important. "You need to have respect for yourself", I thought, "You can't let yourself be walked over and used". There are times in life you need to stand up for yourself, for what you want. But how can I have what I'm throwing away. Is respect more important than what's in my heart? I talk like I know what I'm doing, and I try to put up a good fight, I create the illusion that I'm a man, but I'm not really. I have no idea who I am anymore, but it's not that I've lost myself, it's that I used to think I knew myself. That walk home was the coldest I've ever had to endure, I questioned whether walking was worth it. All I wanted to do was lay in the snow and let time spin past until I had a reason to get up. There is nothing left, I have no where to go now, no one who cares about me. You were the first and last person that cared, or seemed to care. I don't what to do now, I'm hurt, in more pain than I can comprehend. But, why isn't she? I'm afraid and have no one to go to. I just know I can't let this be the end, I can't take it now, let alone when I see her. I don't want to lose you now, I still need you.

It's always better when we're together Friday, February 16, 2007 |

Everyone went through being a teenager, whether you were born into the suburban North American life or not is the variable but regardless you should know how dramatic teenagers can get. Now you might have been the one sitting with your face planted in your hands shaking your head at how idiotic your friend was being, or you might have been the one causing scenes over nothing, and being a 'drama queen' (There are no 'Drama Kings', if a guy is being that dramatic he is - atleast by me - labeled a Queen). Well, I can't stand it. Sometimes I hate the generation I was born into, and how over dramatic, and dependent we've become.

I hate school, that's a fact, I've come to despise the place. School (or atleast highschool) takes all the possibilites of life, all the hopes and dreams you may concur outside of it, and it crushes them the second you step a foot within the doors. I walk down the halls and see these people who are unaware of their own ignorance, they're sheep most of them, blind sheep, being lead by the blind. When did the 'ideal' life become getting out of school, getting a career and settling down? That sounds like a load of shit to me. Where is the adventure? I hope that doesn't happen to me, whether I enjoy it at the time or not.

In the last few months I've slowly been moving over to evolution, it's making more and more sense. I've stopped question the beginning (not creation, might i add). Regardless of what religion you're in there is no answer for the beginning, and if there was, it would be inexpressable. Now, I'd like the clarify that I am not talking about creation, I am not talking about evolution versus creationism, such a Christianity. I am merely wasting my breath trying to understand the beginning. In both theories there was something before the Earth was created, either gases or God, so the question arises when did anything start, or where did those come from? But my mind instantly jumps to, 'What are we in?', this can't be real. There is no answer, hence why this is pointless, but it is impossible for the human mind to comprehend it.

If you haven't noticed I'm jumping from topic to topic, there is not plot to this dialogue.

I bought the movie Waking Life about a month ago, and that impacted my life significantly, and if you have not seen the movie I highly, highly recommend you do. Watch this clip and let it sink in...


I'll discuss more later, I have alot on my mind.